If you are anything like me, you always start the summer break with high expectations of reading everyday. You choose books that you will read. You sign up for a reading program or join a group. And then……nothing. How can one prevent the lack of follow through that seems to hit immediately after the break begins? Well, I am not sure.

I, myself, have several books started. I am even almost done with one of them and about halfway through another. They are both enjoyable reads. Why do I set them aside ? Why don’t I just “lock in” and just finish them? That is a great question that I don’t have the answer to. It isn’t that I don’t want to finish them; I do. Unfortunately for me, I get lost in my own world of the pursuit of perfection. I plan, but talk myself out of doing what I have to do as well as the things that I want to do.

Perfection seems to go against the way I find myself behaving. How can I be a perfectionist and also be a horrible procrastinator? It is a difficult thing to explain, but I find myself in this situation for pretty much everything except for my job. Reading a full summer’s worth of books is just one area that I can’t seem to accomplish. I have oh so many more. Don’t even ask about my dishes and laundry. I allow myself to get behind when I am busy. I put things off only to find that the tasks that I procrastinated are now even more of a job to complete. I get overwhelmed and then because I am overwhelmed I don’t do the tasks making it even more overwhelming. If I can’t do it all at once at a level of correctness that I want, I just give up.

I tell you all this to give you a glimpse into a perfectionist mindset stuck in a procrastinator’s attempt at life. I am sure that I am not the only one that this happens to. I have purchased organization books. I have read blogs on how to get motivated to get stuff done. I make lists (a lot of lists). I like having a clean organized home and work place. I love to read. I just get in my own way. I take an all or nothing approach. How is that working for me you might ask. It’s not. So as I prepare for my summer break, I have joined our school’s reading challenge. I have a list of home improvements planned. It may actually take the whole summer to get through my laundry. That is a joke, but might actually be the case.

I do find having a goal is important. I will finish those two already started books and hopefully read many more. I will not put a number to that so I don’t feel like it is impossible to do. I have a list of chores/improvements to accomplish this summer. I am 55 years old and not getting any younger so now is the time to get myself motivated. I will say that I need help to stay the course. I have enlisted the help of friends and family to put pressure on me to actually move each day. Even if I can just do a little each day, I will have accomplished more than I did last summer where I did mostly well…..nothing. I allowed myself to sink into some depression and could not quite get it together. I told my friends and my boyfriend to hold me accountable and I told them that they may have to be a little firm/mean about it. They laughed, but I am serious. If I have to be accountable to others, I am more likely to get things accomplished.

With all of this being said, I hope to be able to write again in August and be able to tell all of you that I did in fact accomplish my summer goals. So I will leave you with this thought; yes, read the books, get out in the yard and get some sunshine and do some yard work. Finish that painting. Tear up that carpet. Finish that laundry. And throw some fun in there as well. One step at a time each and every day. So to answer my question that I began with, I am on the TO READ path. It will not only help me accomplish my goal, but I might actually learn something along the way.

Happy reading to all and until next time,

Cat