Only seven more days of school left for the year. I’ve spent all of my year crafting lessons, reading with my classes, and grading papers. Now that the school year is coming to an end, it is now time to decide how I will spend my time over the next three months.

Every year I go through this thought process. I am always so ambitious about how much I will accomplish in the summer. I will have a clean, well organized home. I will have a nicely mowed lawn. I will spend my free time reading all of the books that I don’t have time to read during the school year.

That sounds like a really good plan, doesn’t it? What could possibly be the issue with this plan? Well, the problem is that I have issues with follow through. I can’t understand how such a foolproof plan can go wrong. If I am being honest with myself, I know exactly why this plan never comes to fruition. I think I may have undiagnosed ADD and a clear case of depression.

It isn’t that I do not want to complete these tasks. I very much do. I love having a clean organized space to relax in. I love to read and would love to read all of the things that I have put off for so long. I am one of those people who has two or three books(maybe more) started at one time. The thoughts of all of the things that I need to accomplish fill my mind all day and night. I know what I need to do, but somehow I just can’t quite get there. What is wrong with me?

I am sure that I am not the only one who feels this way. How do others remain motivated? Like I have said, I am much happier when I feel my space is organized. I like having things in perfect order. Maybe that is where the problem lies. I must confess that I am a bit of a perfectionist. I know that this is a huge contrast to the things that I have just explained. How can a person be a perfectionist and not do anything to create the environment that I seek? The simple truth is that If I can’t get everything done the way that I want it , you know, how I see it in my mind, then I just don’t do anything.

I am not sure how I became one of those people who has an all or nothing attitude. I have way too high of expectations of myself and way too few moments where I give myself grace. I look back on my teenage years and I recall my clothes being neatly organized by type. My CDs/cassette tapes were alphabetized. My bed was always made. I had my life together. Where on Earth did I go wrong? This is the point that I cannot figure out.

How can I get to the place where I feel that I can even enjoy some summer reading when I feel so disgusted with myself for failing to accomplish any of my other goals? Is there an answer? How can I get there? I tell myself that this summer will be different. This year I will get to the point where I can enjoy my free time. Now…I have to create a plan that I can stick to.

Where does this leave me? Well, I can craft a plan, perhaps enlist some friends to keep me on track, and actually work through my to do list. That would be the sensible thing to do. I definitely want that to be the case. The only thing that will keep me from achieving my goals will be me. Will I actually do it this summer? I guess we can revisit this in August when I head back into the classroom. So if you are like me and you procrastinate like it is your job, perhaps create small goals and stick to them. After all, everything is easier when you take it in manageable chunks of time. I will go for now with a spirit of I can do it. Will I ? I guess we will see.

Until next time,

Cat